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What Dreams May Come... Below are the 10 most recent journal entries recorded in the "Alexander" journal:

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March 23rd, 2008
01:52 pm

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Happy Zombie Jesus Day!
Everyone have lots of sex and make lots of babies!

(I do not take credit for Zombie Jesus Day.  Many thanks to MM and AC for the wonderful epithet for the day!) 

Current Location: Home
Current Mood: amusedamused

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March 19th, 2008
10:32 am

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Beyond the limits
Another great light has dimmed and gone out.  Arthur C. Clarke passed away early this morning.

He has ventured beyond the limits of the possible into the impossible. 

Rest well.

Current Location: Home
Current Mood: morosemorose

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January 14th, 2008
12:10 pm

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Work whine...
I have never been so close to just walking out of a job in my life.  I cannot stand this place.  Inefficient systems and customer service agents that just don't care.  I am not sure which is worse.  And I do not care either.  I make the same money as the agents I supposedly supervise.  Less, actually, because they have some incentive potential, whereas I get a big fat nothing.  I used to get a decent monthly bonus, nothing big, but it certainly helped.  They took that away without any warning after the end of October.  Nothing has been put in to take its place.  I have the nebulous promise of an ephemeral dollar an hour raise.  They have been saying that since May when I got this promotion.  Actually I was supposed to get a total of four dollars an hour.  I have seen one.  I don't believe I will ever see another.  I knew I should have gotten it in writing.

I want to yell and scream and bang my head and tear my hair out.  I keep biting my tongue when people ask me stupid questions.  I have no power to make any real changes in the way things are done.  Any time I make a judgment call on anything, my decisions are over-ruled and changed by someone above me because the agent that I said no to goes and whines about why we should give more stuff away free.  This affects the numbers that people look at to judge my performance.  Not that it really matters because I don't get a bonus from anything anyway, though I am certainly get "talked to" when the numbers aren't where they want them.  Of course I am never told exactly where they want the numbers, or where they even generate some of these numbers from.  I think it changes from day to day. 

I just do not care.  I cannot go and get another job right now, because finding one with a schedule that works with school and faire and pays decently would be virtually impossible.  I know because I have been looking.  But I do not want to be here any more.   I am short tempered and tired and starting to feel like I did when I managed the restaurant.  I do not like that person. 

Okay, I am done whining.  Please resume your normally scheduled day.

Current Location: Work.
Current Mood: aggravatedaggravated

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January 11th, 2008
10:35 am

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Following suit after the ever inspiring apocalypticbob, I am going to post about my dream last night as well.  Mine was not nearly as creepy, but disturbing in a very personal sort of way.  Thankfully there were no clowns in my dream, I hate clowns.  Icons of desperate, forced hilarity.  There is always something vaguely menacing about them, as if you do not laugh they will slit you open from crotch to crown.  I probably should not have read It when I was 12. 

Anyway, I had a dream about my son last night.  Or more accurately, his mother and her father.  Somehow I tracked down Forrest's grandfather, and I needed to get copies of some records.  I am not certain exactly what it was I needed, or why.  Or why I thought he would get them for me.  I know at least one of the things I needed was a copy of our divorce papers, and other things relating to our marriage and to Forrest.  I was at their house, and my ex was there, with Forrest, as well as several other children she had born since our divorce.  At least two, maybe more.  She was apparently single, and seemed sad and a little desperate.  I got the impression if I smiled at her she would cling to me and never let me go.  The very thought made me nauseous, I might add. 

Forrest was there, but I could never actually see him.  And it was extremely important that he not know who I actually was.  After some weird, surreal chaos, with lots of different people coming in and out of the house, I gave Forrest's grandfather ten dollars for one set of papers, and then I had to give him a blank check so he could get the rest of them.  I gave him the check all wadded up in a tiny little ball. 

At one point, I did get to say hello to Forrest, even though I never actually saw his face.  But I had to introduce myself as an old friend of his mother's.  I wanted so badly to just reach out and pull him to me and know him, and have him in my life.  And in my dream, even though he is 14 now, he was the size of probably a 6 year old.  Most of my dream, other than the apparent age of Forrest, and some of the faceless, nameless people who kept coming in and out was extremely vivid and felt very life-like.  The ache I felt was certainly poignantly real.

I woke up with tears drying on my cheeks in the cold, dark air.  I miss my son.  I still think the decision I made for him was the best thing for him, but not a day goes by that I do not regret that I was not a better man at the time, to be able to make a different decision that would have kept him in my life.  I hope we find each other some day and he can forgive me.  Maybe then I can forgive myself. 

Current Location: Work
Current Mood: nostalgicnostalgic
Current Music: The clicking of keyboards and humming of voices.

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10:31 am

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Happy Birthday!
Happy birthday Kim!  29 is such a great age for you.  :)

May you always be blessed; with walls for the wind, a roof for the rain, a warm cup of tea by the fire, laughter to cheer you, those you love near you and all that your heart might desire.

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January 2nd, 2008
12:48 pm

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Next time just call the cops...
I had a great New Year's Eve, and overall a pretty good holiday season in general.  This is saying a lot coming from me, because most years I would rather just hibernate from November 1st until January 2nd.  I think having someone I am head over heels in love with to share it with makes a huge difference.  Her love of the season, even tempered with sadness as it is, infected me more than I realized.  Thank you for helping me find some of the magic I had lost. 

But anyway, New Year's Eve was fantastic as I said.  I spent it with good friends amid much laughter and joy.  I am so lucky to have someone who likes both me and my very weird unique and special group of friends.  Thank you to everyone who has helped this introverted grouch be a little more social and smile just a bit more this past year.  I look forward to another great year of growing closer to awesome people and hopefully cultivating some true friendships. 

As wonderful as the party was, the real fun started after my girl and I left.  We pulled off I-40 onto Classen around 1 am, and decided we were a bit hungry and wanting some food before bed.  So we stopped at the McDonald's there on the corner of Classen and Sheridan (such a great neighborhood).  Outside the McDonald's was a young lady who was quite obviously drunk off her arse a little inebriated.  She was crying and falling down, and being the nice people that we are, we asked if she was well.  Apparently she had gotten in a huge fight with her boyfriend and he had kicked her out of the car and left her there at the McDonald's.  She looked clean, rather well dressed in a post-sorority girl sort of way, and she only smelled of spirits.  So, feeling sorry for her, we offered her a ride home and that is when the fun began.

After insisting several times that we were in Norman, Tracy told us we needed to take I-35 North to get to her apartment in Moore.  Thankfully I know that Moore is south of OKC so I  hopped on I-35 South instead.  I managed to get out of her that she lived somewhere in the vicinity of N. 27th in Moore or S. 89th in OKC.  Turns out she lived between the two, on the Frontage Road.  If only she had just said that.  Well, we think that is where she actually lived, she said she lived with a friend, then with her boyfriend, then someplace else entirely.  Venus, maybe?  Unfortunately her directions were rather garbled, and I ended up first over by Crossroads mall via the I-35 Frontage Road, then I got turned back and tried to head south again, only to be waylaid by I-240 cutting me off and sending me west. 

As we headed back to someplace to get on I-35 S again, our erstwhile passenger informed us she had to pee.  Well, she told Ashley that anyway.  She could not seem to remember Rainna's name from one moment to the next.  We both remembered her name, although I suppose I should be fair, neither of us had been trying to pickle ourselves.  Anyway, we pulled over at a 7-11 so Tracy could relieve herself and Rainna helped her inside.  They emerged a few minutes later, apparently both restrooms were out of order.  Well, the dear lady really had to pee so she proceeded to pull down her jeans and squat by the back tire of my car.  I guess the plethora of Cosmos she had no doubt consumed had left her extremely full.  As the clerk and everyone else in the 7-11 watched, she urinated right there in the brightly lit parking lot.  One nice customer even brought out a stack of napkins. 

Well, the girl was none too steady on her high heels with her jeans around her ankles and she fell on her bare posterior, right in the nice puddle of warm piss.  This caused said piss to splash about, all over Rainna's shoes and leg.  How very nice of her, as I am sure Rainna was quite chilly.  Rainna managed to get the girl back in her jeans and back in the car before the tight-lipped attendant decided to call the cops. 

We finally got one of Tracy's friends on the phone and received slightly less garbled instructions from an almost as drunk roommate.  At least I think it was a roommate, either Brittany or Stephanie.  We are still not entirely sure this is where Tracy actually lives.  First Brittany or Stephanie told us to leave Tracy at a gas station on the corner of 27th and Shields and they would pick her up there.  Well, we could not find said gas station, so we thought it best just to take Tracy home.

After one more false turn, we finally found the apartment complex and pulled in, much relieved.  We did get an apartment number from Tracy, and as we walked her to the door, she informed us we had to be quiet as her roommate had a 4 year old son.  The bag of used diapers outside the door seemed to confirm this, although aren't most 4 year olds potty trained?  You would think the kid could at least pee in the parking lot like his mommy's friend, right?  I am so glad that the roommate had already made it home, I was envisioning sitting in the car with the stupid drunk loud and boisterous Tracy as we waited for someone to come open the door.  Tracy's keys were apparently in her truck which was in Bricktown. 

As Tracy got the door open, she insisted we come in so she could get Rainna's phone number.  Thankfully my girl and I were on the same page and she gave a false number.  I certainly do not want this girl calling us, although maybe we could be a good influence on her. 

Her roommate seemed completely unconcerned about the strangers in her apartment, and utterly blase about the condition of her friend.  I am sure she was not much better off.  I have the feeling this was not an isolated New Year's Eve event, but the fun these girls had most every weekend. 

So, let this be a lesson to you.  If you should come across a drunk girl at the McDonald's in the middle of the night who was kicked out of her boyfriend's car, do not offer her a ride home.  Just call the cops or a cab.  Otherwise you too might end up with pee on your shoes. 

Current Location: Work
Current Mood: amusedamused

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December 28th, 2007
11:17 am

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To all World of Warcraft Players...
So I have a 14 day free trial to WoW, and I think I am going to try it out and see if I get addicted.  So if anyone out there wants to show me the ropes, let me know what server you are on and who you are there.  Thanks.

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December 24th, 2007
12:50 pm

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Just so you know...
Just in case anyone was wondering, Hell is apparently in Putnam, Michigan, on Patterson Lake Road.

Hell.

Current Location: I guess I am not in Hell after all.
Current Mood: boredbored

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12:37 pm

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Corporate Stupidity
I work for a stupid company.  I am stuck here at work today because this company is too bloody greedy to shut down for one extra day.  I had to drive back from Tulsa at 5:30 this morning rather than spend Christmas Eve with my love and her family. 

The warehouse is not shipping today.  Custom's manufacturing is not manufacturing until January 2nd.  But we are here taking calls.  We have had 17 calls and 1 order.  Most of the calls are people checking on delivery status of their Christmas items.  We cannot do anything for them anyway if their items are not already on their way.  Remember, manufacturing is not manufacturing and shipping is not shipping.  It is going to cost this company more in labor than they make in sales.  We are not a retail sales company, we are primarily a wholesale call center.  Today is not the last chance to get in that last little bit of Christmas shopping.

How horrible would it be to foster a little good will with their employees, rather than talking to the few people that might call on Christmas Eve?  I really do not think that any of our customers would be extremely upset if they could not get in touch with someone today.  Most have expressed a great deal of surprise that they get anyone on the phone at all. 

The powers that be, in their extreme and compassionate generosity decreed that the call center would close 3 whole hours early.  At 5 pm instead of 8.  Great, I work 8 to 5 anyway.  None of them are here today.  Go figure. 

I say it again, I work for a stupid company.  Happy fucking Christmas.

Current Location: Hell (Otherwise known as Century Martial Arts)
Current Mood: annoyedannoyed
Current Music: None.

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December 20th, 2007
02:58 pm

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Wave for Bob
Incoming wave for apocalypticbob

Hey, do you by chance have those awesomely shiny tasting notes you wrote for that Firefly wine from the Shindig? Thanks.

Current Location: At the edge of the Black
Current Mood: busybusy

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